Latest posts by Daria Silter (see all)
- Bonjour, or How I Fell in Love With Paris, on a… Third Sight - May 7, 2017
- What Is Love? - March 16, 2017
- How I Got Admitted To The Top School (Plus My Application Essay) - March 8, 2017
As an Editor-in-Chief of Global Storybook I have the great benefit of having my own column, where I can yap about nada. Or about things that matter to me. And this week I want to share my latest thoughts on the most important topic in this World – love.
I have recently come to realize just how this whole love thing works and it has never been more clear to me than it is now. Below you will find my inner thoughts on the subject, which I hope will add some light into your own life, if you are currently in doubt, or are unsure, like I was, until… last week.
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How do you know that you have met “The One”? Is the relationship that you are in currently working out? And if not, what is really wrong with it – if you cannot simply pinpoint it out?
Love… We all want it. We are all looking for it. Some of us find it quickly, while for others it’s a lifetime struggle. And even when we do find it – how do we know that it’s the “real thing”? It’s not like every relationship is a perfect match made in heaven – life would have been much easier, though less fun if it were, then. And so we go through different partners, getting to know them, until we can understand – whether we have a future with them, or we do not.
Well apparently there is a much more simpler way to identify the real deal, if we only understand how it works. So, what is love? Love is, well… three basic, main things:
MIND + HEART + BODY = LOVE
Mind means how well we identify with the person in question. Do we share the same interests, have common background, educational level, view on life?
Heart simply means how do we feel about the person. Do we miss him/her, do we want to hang out with him/her? Do we feel pain when the person is not around?
Body is the simplest (but sometimes not the most obvious) factor to identify – do we have a strong sexual attraction for the person?
All three factors must work perfectly in tune otherwise – it’s not going to work out. But, here is another hard truth – while the first factor (mind) is flexible, meaning it is something that can be influenced, changed, the other two (heart and body) are not. Now let’s take a look at three most common examples:
The good: You are in a relationship with someone whom you identify as a perfect partner. You share the same interests, views on life, you want the same things, you enjoy spending time together, and you are completely comfortable with each other.
The bad: You have no sexual attraction for this person whatsoever.
The outcome: It’s never going to work out. You cannot force sexual feelings, you cannot find them where they do not exist, and you cannot develop or grow them – you either have them, or you do not.
The good: You have a great chemistry with a person, you miss him/her a lot, you have very strong feelings for that person, including a strong sexual desire.
The bad: you have a huge gap in the “common background”. Usually, this happens on either an educational or a financial level, or even both.
The outcome: Normally it doesn’t work out. However, this is the only “fixable” scenario but it can take years in the process. How can it be fixed? If one of the partners works hard and raises to the level of the other, then “the bad” in this relationship will fall out by itself, leaving only the good in. At that point, both partners can start again on an equal footing, and if they still have very strong feelings for each other then this could lead into a perfect match.
You have a very strong sexual desire for a person but you do not have anything in common, nor do you have any strong feelings for that person. It happens sometimes but it never leads anywhere. These sort of relationships usually end as soon as the sexual part falls out.
So now, how do you know if he/she is “the one”? Simple. Just ask yourself the following questions, and if it’s still not clear – try to rate them on a scale of 1 to 10.
- If you were invited to a very important dinner or an event (think Oscars, or a dinner at the White House) – would you be proud of taking your partner with you?
- Does your partner support you in all your aspirations, dreams and goals? Or does s/he brings you down?
- Do you and your partner share the same views for the future? (Hint: the easiest way to find out is to ask your partner where does s/he sees him/herself in five years).
- Do you miss your partner when you’re not together?
- Do you want to do things together? (i.e. go to the movies, eat out, or even simply stay in together and do nothing).
- And if you are not currently together – do you feel pain for the fact that you are not a couple?
- Do you have a strong sexual desire for your partner?
- Do you want to kiss him/her?
- Do you want to touch her/his hand when you’re taking a walk together?
- Do you want to give him/her a spontaneous hug?
Finally, please remember that even when you do have all three factors working perfectly in tune together – love is still hard work. It’s all about compromise, support and care, laughter, forgiveness, finding and making time for each other even in the busiest of times, and much more. It is never easy, but it can be so much fun… when you have the right partner by your side.